Friday, February 22, 2008

You TWO Need to Get it Together!

I was fortunate to have a very supportive pastor as I was struggling through most of that last difficult year with my [former] violent husband. But everyone has their limits, and at one point my pastor (who had obviously reached his limit) became fed up with the abusive situation in our home and said to me, "you two just need to get it together!"

It was very painful for me to hear that. And my pastor was dead wrong.

The old saying, "It takes two to tango," cannot be applied in a domestically violent situation as the assaults do not always come as a result of an argument or any provocation that takes place within the relationship. They happen because a violent, controlling person becomes angry and chooses to exhibit abusive or violent behavior. And it usually has nothing to do with anything the victim has done or not done.

In an abusive or domestic violence situation, it is entirely inappropriate to ask the abused/battered party to accept any portion of the blame for the situation. The only party that can be held morally or legally responsible for the abuse or violence is the one perpetrating it.


1 comment:

Barbara said...

Yeah, I had just the same thing said to me and it hurt!
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